you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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