i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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