Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I want a musical about memes.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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