Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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