my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
