I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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