I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
