That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
