i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
