I think im going to throw up on grandma
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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