I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
What did we do last night that was yellow?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
