all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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