I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
