I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
