Taylor Swift is so right about you.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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