I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
