I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Nobody cheats on THIS.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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