Me. At least after what I've been through.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Sacagawea was the original milf.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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