what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I've blown a few things in my day
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
