i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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