if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
