At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
