Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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