my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
