Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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