her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
soo... how was my night?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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