Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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