so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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