I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
only you would photoshop your dick
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
