So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
