I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
