Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
