but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I stole a fireplace last night.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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