What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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