What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
