the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
