I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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