are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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