your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
