literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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