I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
