The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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