I can tuck mytits in my pants
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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