Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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