I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
