Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
