i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
