I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
