I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
