In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Less talking, more tequila
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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