She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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