It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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