eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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