man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
