Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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